I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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