If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
