I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
