I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
Swine flu is the new snow day.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.