Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?