Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
