It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
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I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
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I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.