I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel