How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize