You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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