I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize