I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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