Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
