Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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