You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
