I hate all girls vehemently.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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