do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
We are two peas in an std pod
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
