Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
