remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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