i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
