dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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