It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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