so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Randomize
