I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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