You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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