11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
