You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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