Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
