honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
