You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
In other news, I just burned my penis
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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