Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
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Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
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I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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