Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize