Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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