ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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