my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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