Where is the hickey?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
