I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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