Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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