hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
