the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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