lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
