There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize