sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
