i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
