i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
