She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
