The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
