what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
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still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
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Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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