i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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