You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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