i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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