sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You should frame my arrest warrant.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
