I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You're earring is so big in my mouth
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
