im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
