If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
