i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
