where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
