forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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