How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
