don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
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Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
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I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize