dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
