Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
