everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
