im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
