I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
