Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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