I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
