How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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