we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
