There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
