Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
