my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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