Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
