So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
