she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
