...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
