I'm gonna have a badass scar
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
